SpongeBob Is Queer; Bush and Powell Outed

My kids are young enough that I really don't know who SpongeBob SquarePants is.  But apparently he is gay.  "Christian" groups outed him over the past week.  Their evidence:  he holds hands with other men and enjoys disco.  If holding hands with other men and bad taste in music is all the evidence we need for determining who is and isn't gay there are a couple of people I'd like to out.  George W. Bush is perhaps the most gay man in America.  Do you remember how he likes to hold hands with that one Saudi prince?  I bet they know what the meaning of "is" is.  And what about Colin Powell?  No man has ever been gayer.  Do you remember when he took to the stage as one of the Village People (America's biggest gay band ever)?  The guy is a fruitcake.  I think we all know where this is leading.  Bush   kicked Powell out of the cabinet over some lovers spat concerning the prince.  It all makes sense.  That is why Powell is leaving and why Bush appointed an openly lesbian woman to take his place (what single woman with a PhD isn't a lesbian?).  This way the president won't have to compete for lovers with his secretary of state.  I never could have figured this out unless these "Christian" groups hadn't explained how to tell a gay cartoon character apart from a straight one.  Gay cartoon characters are simply the biggest threat America faces today.   

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